These are the 26 newest scriptures as written by PoisonedGrace

«| antecedent 26 from the archives |»

«|» Saturday, May 19th, 2012 «|»
10:03 pm «|»	Depression is a vicious bitch. « 1 Rapidly Plummeting «|» Fall From Grace » «|»
10:51 am «|»	I had a dream that 2 or 3 really big sports / jock / frat type dudes were trying to steal all my paintings and art.  I had to fight them all to stop them.  Most of the dream was just fighting, so not really worth trying to recount in any detail.  I employed the fight upon them quite well.  When I defeated them, I rolled them into a shallow decorative pond with some carp.  Of course I left their heads out, because I wasn't looking to kill them or anything, just embarrass them but good. I sure as hell got my stuff back though. « Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Thursday, May 17th, 2012 «|»
9:47 am «|»	I had a dream last night.  I was in that house that I sometimes dream about.  It's not a house that I ever really lived in, and I am not even sure that it is a Dream World Version of a house that I ever lived in, but it is consistent over the years, and I have dreamed about it many times.  This time, I was in the back yard with friends.  I have never seen the back yard before because normally I don't get that far. The house is on a corner, facing north, with a street immediately in front, and one on the east.  To the left of the house are other buildings.  I think one is residential and another one or two are very old (possibly closed up) businesses  One might be a gas station from the 40s, closed, and the other may be some 'open once a month' antique / junk shop. We were sitting on a porch like area, and when facing the house (which would put the house between us and the north road and put the east road on our right), The driveway to the house is white rock, and comes from the north road on the west side of the house, all the way to the back yard, where it curves behind the other buildings and goes all the way to the road on the other side of those buildings, on the west side of the block.  Behind the house and the other buildings, for the rest of the block is a field, with a border of trees along the far south side.  There is a red light at the NW corner of this block, by the defunct 40s gas station.  Some people who live in the area, when heading north on the road west of our block, and intending to turn east on the road north of our house, will take a right on our driveway, drive along between the field and the shops, curve beside our house, hit that north road and go right.  This cuts out waiting at the red light, which can be sort of long and pointless as there's not much traffic in the area (yes, i know in TX, you can usually go right on red, idk if there is a sign preventing this, or if this is somewhere else and right on red is not allowed or what). Anyhow, we were sitting on the back porch.  It was myself, random family members, and my 2 best friends from Jr. High. But we weren't in Jr. High, we were as we are now.  B and I were on the porch, and J was sitting in a lawnchair at a card table using a laptop.  He had set this up in the drive way.  He was just west of the curve, so he was sort of behind the vacant house or junk shop or which ever one neighbours us.  We told him not to sit in the driveway because sometimes people drive through there. He said fuck'em it was our property, and they couldn't complain much where he was on it.  He was also wearing nothing but swim trunks.  It was sort of cold out, so I think he was just mostly trying to be difficult.  We didn't call him 'Epidemic' for nothing. So there we were, hanging out, I think someone was making food.  We were goofing off in typical ways, when an older white car turns right onto the drive, behind the stores, to head through to go right again on the other road.  They were going kind of fast, and we told J to move.  He says 'No, I ain't moving.  They shouldn't be back here." Well, the car hits him and keeps going, smashing the table and chair, and dragging him a bit all twisted like.  We all jumped up and ran over.  The car finally stops and two girls climb out.  It was just starting to rain, and had gotten really cold when it did.  The girls were dressed up like they were going out.  Silly short/skimpy thrift store vintage dresses, theatrical makeup, very unsensible shoes.  they were upset and yelling / crying.  Between that and the rain, their makeup had started to run. The one who was driving was hysterical.  I had a cell phone, but i was in such shock to see the unmoving mangled form of my friend that I kept poking at it ineffectively and shouting NINE ONE ONE! while not really accomplishing much. Finally, J crawled to his feet and untangled himself.  He was covered with small scratches and some bruises, but he claimed to be OK.  Finally someone dialed 911, in spite of his protests, just to get him checked out.  Our address was given (can't remember it now, wish I could) and we waited for the authorities to show. While all the ambulance folk checked J out and the police folk talked to the Girl Who Had Been Driving, some of the rest of us sat on the porch.  I was there, with The Passenger Girl to my left, and B on the other side of her.  We were wet and it was cold.  I could not stop shivering and teeth chattering.  The girl beside me was the same.  We had been talking some, and she had calmed down a lot.  Her dress was green, her makeup was a mess, she had wet messy brown hair.  It appeared to be going well, and from where we were, J seemed fine. We were so cold and wet, this disheveled, upset (but still really cute) girl wiggled closer to me for the warmth of body heat.  Soon enough she was smashed up against me and we were warming up.  I remember the smell of the rain and the outdoors and her skin.  It was getting dark and the storm was rolling in properly.  Even though the situation was madness, it somehow seemed that there wasn't anywhere else in the world that she would rather have been in that moment.  That really made me feel good.  As we sat, so close together, I began to ooze out a thick, viscous mucus.  It was so sticky and vile and it slicked over every part of me.  It was amazingly gross, like the slime of a hagfish.  I tried to scrape it off and fling it from me, but it came on as fast as I could remove it.  Everyone was looking at me with horror, and I had gotten some on the people around me.  I couldn't breathe or free myself of it. I don't even know what happened after that, other than I woke up at some point or I wouldn't be in this world typing this. « Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Wednesday, May 16th, 2012 «|»
8:40 am «|»	THINGS DOESN'T HAPPEN! So, pretty much everything is just wacky! Yesterday Sprint had some sort of unknown crisis, and my phone was not working right all day. Service was on and off and never acted the way it should.  My cysts were bothering me most of the day. Last night, right before I went to bed, my internet died while I was trying to upload some stuff. When I went to sleep, my phone was fully charged and on silent. When I woke up this morning, it was turned off, and had 0 battery. I had to bring my charger to work to get it running again. Got up this morning, and my pants were missing. Not like the ones that I was wearing (I was sleeping, I wasn't wearing any :P ), but the ones that I was going to wear today.  they were not where I left them.  I looked all over and couldn't find them.  Went and looked in the bathroom "just in case" (I know I didn't leave them there, but I was at wit's end).  When I came back, they were sitting ON MY BED. WTF? My keys were not where I usually leave them, so I had to track them down. Traffic was weird and didn't flow like usual this morning. I left home maybe 2 minutes later than usual, but was somehow running like 10 minutes behind in my journey.  Due to not having much time, I stopped by Taco Cabana for breakfast and it was HORRIBLE. Things have been OK since I made it to work (aside from gross breakfast), but it's just a string of weird. I am fairly certain that some sort of goblins are involved. « 4 Rapidly Plummeting «|» Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Tuesday, May 15th, 2012 «|»
10:13 am «|»	I was thinking last night... And it all seemed so much more eloquent and well thought out then. It seemed like insight and awareness.  But I come here to make a note of it... And it just (in my head) sounds more like whining than anything else.  More like "the same old thing". I was thinking about Love. About how every failed attempt costs you so much.  Or me at least. Every broken heart... even less than broken...   Every injury to my heart...  Each time it takes longer and longer to heal and heals less fully and successfully. I remember back when unrequited or failed love was just a part of life, and the poignant and sharp sweet suffering was just poetic and as much a part of life as breathing and eating.  Didn't impact me in any negative way.  It was almost a good thing.  At least, it never bothered me.  I could relish the sweet romance of it. But over time..  The heart and soul take damage. Every injury takes longer and longer to recover from. Every time I seem to end up farther and farther short of being fully healed. It makes everything much more difficult going forward. So much harder to try again. Then when that bombs, so much harder to get over it. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. And I'm just sick. Broken and sick, deep down. I feel like nothing ever really heals anymore.  Not fully at least. And every time I try, even slightly, it just wears away another piece of me, further infringing on my ability to ever try again. I worry that too much more, and I won't be able to try anymore ever again. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, but I don't know the trick to replenish my HP bar and keep going. I need cheat codes at life. « 2 Rapidly Plummeting «|» Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Friday, May 11th, 2012 «|»
9:23 am «|»	hippopotamus phlebotomist Trying to let go and relax and sink slowly into... something else. I can't keep carrying a rage around like a party hat. But what if it's just who I am? Breathe.  Do it over and over.  See if it helps. I need to finish up my organizing this weekend.  Felt useless and hopeless the last couple of days and got only minimal amounts done.  Rested and slept instead.  Still woke up tired and more tired.  Always weird longing dreams, and mostly I can't remember these days. I am probably 80% done with the organizing / settling in crap I want to get done, so the end is in sight!  I finally got to look at the wires for internet in my room last night.  Had to rewire the Cat 5 jack, but that got it fixed.  Totally glad of that.  Simple solution over all.  The drive to work this morning was very odd.  For some reason there was only about 1/10th as much traffic as normal.  It felt like a holiday. or like the end of the world or something.  Strange. I am REALLY trying to get myself back into the habit of writing more often, once per day or so, but it seems like I don't have anything to say that's not a broken record.  I hate sounding like a broken record.  I hate sounding like a broken record. I hate sounding like a broken record. I hate sounding like a broken record. I hate sounding like a broken record. I hate sounding like a broken record. I hate sounding like a broken record. I hate sounding like a broken record. I hate sounding like a broken record. I hate sounding like a broken record. I hate sounding like a broken record. I hate sounding like a broken record. I hate sounding like a broken record. I hate sounding like a broken record. I hate sounding like a broken record. Oops. heh. <3 « 4 Rapidly Plummeting «|» Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Thursday, May 10th, 2012 «|»
1:12 pm «|»	Feeling so angry all the time is exhausting. « 1 Rapidly Plummeting «|» Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Wednesday, May 9th, 2012 «|»
8:57 am «|»	Maybe it was location scouting... Last night I had a dream that you and I were walking through a haunted suburbia. It was mostly abandoned and falling apart.  Almost as though there had been bad storms or a flood. We were weaving in and out of debris and red-neck lawn ornaments.  You, tottering in your heels (I can't imagine you wearing anything else), your tiny dog running ahead. I was telling you about the various hauntings in each location.  What had been seen there, what had taken place.  We talked about how it was the most haunted suburb in the world.  And it was, there was all sorts of crap going on there.  It was eerie to an extreme.  also it was awesome, beyond words.  As we dawdled in a particularly interesting area, your dog ran ahead, and somehow got onto a school bus.  The bus was full of kids and on it's way to school.  We panicked and ran to my car and got in.  We took off after the bus.  Speeding down dank swampy back roads, we were somehow having trouble keeping up with the bus, but we knew where the school was, so if we lost it, we would head there to collect your wayward doggie. I woke up before we made it. « Fall From Grace » «|»
8:32 am «|»	Feels too much like the story of my life right now. Once there was boy who had vibrant glow but as it goes, someone took it from him. One day through the rain I heard him meekly moan, he said "Will you wrap your arms around me, as I'm falling?" Remember when we were all so beautiful? Never Again But since then we've lost our glow. They said it hurt their eyes but he would never know, that they were filled with regret as their own dissipated. He said, "I now feel more desperately alone even though they wrapped their arms around me, as I'd fallen." « Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Monday, May 7th, 2012 «|»
10:32 am «|»	shadows Still mired in the task of unpacking and settling in, although I have made a LOT of progress.  I am at the point of going through and organizing my clothes now, and it's a daunting task. I should get all that part done with today though, if I apply myself. After that is some misc sort of cleanup / organizing, and that should get all my crap in my room settled. After that, I think I am going to unload my book and DVD shelves so I can actually organize things instead of "OMG I will just throw this on a shelf so it's not on the floor and I can move around!" which is how everything is organized at the moment.  That will help my sanity, and greatly aid in the organizing of my art supplies and such eventually, as well. That stuff, and fixing the wires for the internet connection in my room will give me a lot of peace.  And internet.  Mmmmmm, internet. I took my time setting up my lair this time, so it's very well organized and planned out.  Much better than before.  So that's good. ummm...  Clearly I don't have a lot to say today.  I'm not in the mood to fuss or complain, but sometimes I feel like I don't have a lot else to offer... :/ I feel like there might be a grand adventure somewhere, but I am here twiddling my thumbs and trying to repair my life while it's sailing past just out of my line of sight. « 2 Rapidly Plummeting «|» Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Saturday, May 5th, 2012 «|»
2:37 am «|»	I seem to have injured my hand somehow.  Not sure if it was picking up heavy stuff while unpacking, or if I slept on it wrong. Took Advil.  Those of you who know how I avoid taking anything ever will know that this means I am fairly uncomfortable, pain / annoyance level wise.  Hoping it gets better soon. Due to this, coupled with depression, I took a nap when I came in from work earlier. I dreamed of a girl that I do not know and have never known in real life.  She was younger than me, either Indian or Pakistani (I am not sure which, as the dream did not tell me).  I never called her by her name, but by some other name which I had made up, and had some specific back story that I don't know now, if I ever did.  But it made her laugh.  She was very kind and sweet.  Almost to a point of being naive.  It seems sort of like we were dating, but we both knew it was temporary. She was always talking about her plans after she got married someday, and it was unspoken that it would never be to me.  She also always talked about someday when she had kids, and we ALL know that wouldn't be with me, since I am not physically capable. We were... somewhere, I am not sure where, and she fell down some sort of hole.  I was trying to rescue her, and eventually made it down there to discover that she had been placed in some sort of bed thing.  In the next room was some guy she had once gone to school with in the past, and he had become some sort of mutant mad scientist.  Part man, part creature.  He was pretty awesome. He had created some beam that turned insects giant, and he was turning all the ants in the city to the size of horses, and he could control them.  We tried to reason with him, but well...mad scientist! Something went wrong with the control mechanism (when will mad scientists ever learn?).  He realized the error of his ways, and shut it down, but it was too late, there were already a ton of horse sized ants on a rampage all over the town.  They busted in to kill the scientist, and the girl and I escaped.  We went down a series of long dank tunnels and eventually came to a dead end where it seemed like we were doomed.  Then I found some sort of flood control mechanism and used it to flood the entire town with water slightly deeper than the top of the horse sized ants.  They couldn't swim, and would die in a while.  The water flushed us down some pipes and it was really scary. We came out on a university campus, and went to some sports section and stole a canoe sort of thing and a paddle. The dream ended when I was happily paddling our boat off through the flooded town. Sometimes I don't even know what the fuck to think. « Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Thursday, May 3rd, 2012 «|»
11:46 am «|»	Somber Somnambulance Got myself moved. The unpacking?  Well... that's gonna take a while. Not sure of the timing, so I ended up 30 minutes early to work this morning. None of that is the difficult part. That... Well... I guess that's that. Not feeling good over it. I realize that it had to happen the way it did. I'm not going to settle for someone who isn't on the level with me. Not going to be lied to or betrayed.  Not going to be disrespected. I've learned better than that, and I've come too far for it. But Even if those things are what they are.  Or were.  Or whatever... Even so... There is a lot more to anything than that. More depth, nuance, more and more and more. Endless spiraling wishing wells of more. Headspinning mores that take the smaller details mentioned above and rather invalidate them to some degree. Because everything is shades of grey and more complicated than this and that and especially the other. It's hard not to live in the 'could be', the 'could have been' and the 'if only'. It's hard and confusing to dance that line between what you want so badly, and the way that the reality of the situation keeps you feeling. I guess that's why so many people make bad choices that go on for years. So, now... Emotional Inertia. Falling asleep not being entirely sure who or where I am. Cruising speed on Auto Pilot. "I want to give the violent more violence." Waiting and not waiting. "Morphine for a wooden leg." Head being torn apart by Art and Spiders and The Biggest Monsters Ever. I hope for the best.  I work towards it. And I prepare for the worst. I need cool wind in my face as the road rolls past. I need loud music and the smell of the night sky. Stars swirling with an endless supply of .... There's the rub. Always at least one missing ingredient. And beyond all that... I wish I could reach you. Reach into your heart and repair what I find there. I wish I had the magic words to make it alright. But there's no truth in that approach because it conflicts too starkly with reality. Instead, I wish i could tell you: "It will not be alright." And I wish you would know that it is OK if it's not. I wish we could all be OK with it not being alright. Because that's what we get. And there is a certain beauty in that. « Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Thursday, April 19th, 2012 «|»
10:58 am «|»	I'm sure it all means something, but I don't even... I dreamed about bats last night.  An old haunted house, full of bats.  They would pour out in massive clouds into the sky to feed.  There were so many in the house that they were spilling over to roost in a tree.  There were so many of them, they fought for space.  Some of them lay dead or dying on the ground at the bottom of the tree and by the remains, it had been this way for a long long time. I saw a baby bat fall from the tree into the heap, and I couldn't bear it.  A nearby cat tried to eat it, and I rushed in and pulled the ugly little pink baby bat out.  A loud disembodied voice announced that it was forbidden to become involved, that I was required to be a passive observer and documentarian (what, do I work for National Geographic now?).  Of course, I ignored that and went about my business. Next, I was in a room with a tupperware container of 'bat milk' and I had the little creature submerged in it in order to feed him.  After a few minutes, he had consumed this massive amount of milk, ans was nearly full grown.  fur and teeth and everything. I knew I needed to get my hands on more bat milk in order to get him finished so he could leave, but I didn't know where to get any more.  I woke up some time around then. « Fall From Grace » «|»
8:52 am «|»	Got Nigel moved last night. It went WAY better than I expected it to. Huge relief, too. I was really prepared for the worst. Hopefully he stays chipper and doesn't stress himself out and make himself sick like he's done in the past when we moved. Really excited to build his new house in a couple of weeks :D :D « 2 Rapidly Plummeting «|» Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Wednesday, April 18th, 2012 «|»
10:26 pm «|»	Calling for a safety net. Listened to this album at least an average of once a week for the past 10 years, and this song STILL grips my guts and roller-coasters me.  Every time. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmQr0GNqmnI « Fall From Grace » «|»
11:30 am «|»	I started writing earlier. Then I went to a meeting at work for an hour and some change. When I came back, I looked at what I had written and it was all alien to me. Wasn't sure what I was talking about or where I was going with it. I erased it and wrote this instead. Night before last, I dreamed that I got stood up on the way to the prom.  I've never even been to such a thing. After that, I dreamed I was driving around in my car looking for a place to eat, and ended up in a swamp. Last night, I dreamed that I was in a sandwich shop, but a circus was in town and all the circus people were trying to get sandwiches, too.  It was super crowded.  The sandwiches were being made by a blind guy.  He was a metal-head looking guy, and was using a straight razor to cut meat for the sandwiches.  The person who was supposed to be running the register was throwing the sandwiches away instead of ringing people up.  It never ended. I have so much to do, and I can't seem to get too motivated.  Everything seems pointless and broken-hearted. « Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Thursday, April 12th, 2012 «|»
12:32 pm «|»	This Life Busy with work and packing and sorting and moving. I really want to get back into updating this blog on a much more regular basis as soon as I can. I just have to always force myself to 'one thing at a time' because I get so carried away. I want to get moved and unpacked and settled in.  Hopefully be done with most of that by the 1st or the 2nd. After that: I  want to write more often.  I need to build Nigel a new cage / house.  Something that is bigger and better for both him and myself. I would like to take more time for my friends and have people over to work on art and crafts and stupid movies and stuff. I want to finish the paintings I needed to finish over a year ago.  I want to plot out / start new ones. I want to get back into sculpting.  when I finish the project I have in mind, I also want to learn enough mold-making / reproduction techniques so that I can do a whole run of them. I want to so some more working with (and painting) miniatures.  I want to do more sewing and finish up some things I never got to complete / start. I want to finish up / work on / tweak my xbox XBMC hack project.  The SNES and Arcade portions were never running as well as I would like.  I want to expand and improve the content in there, too. I want to go down to that awesome leatherworking store downtown and get some stuff to start out / learn the craft.  I have always had an interest in it, and I would really like to pick it up and see what  I could make.  I have some great ideas. I would like to replace my ruined chain mail tools and work on some mail pieces that I have in mind. That is just an "off the top of my head" list of the things and projects that won't leave me alone.  If I were to really stop and think about it, or look through my art supplies, etc....   Well then, I could easily expand this list to hundreds of things, depending on how specific I were to get. I am determined to look at this move as a positive thing, and a new chapter in my life of getting myself together and coming out of these ashes a much more glorious bird. <3 « 2 Rapidly Plummeting «|» Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Tuesday, March 27th, 2012 «|»
11:52 am «|»	This is like a flower in a vase. Even though you know it's a transient form, and it's sliding closer to a withered dry, brown nothing, you enjoy it for what it is while it's there. Or you try to at least. But, why do I even try to write this feeling, this situation myself, when A. Rimbaud has already done so for me: Drunken Morning Oh, my Beautiful! Oh, my Good! Hideous fanfare where yet I do not stumble! Oh, rack of enchantments! For the first time, hurrah for the unheard-of work, For the marvelous body! For the first time! It began with the laughter of children, and there it will end. This poison will stay in our veins even when, as the fanfares depart, We return to our former disharmony. Oh, now, we who are so worthy of these tortures! Let us re-create ourselves after that superhuman promise Made to our souls and our bodies at their creation: That promise, that madness! Elegance, silence, violence! They promised to bury in shadows the tree of good and evil, To banish tyrannical honesty, So that we might flourish in our very pure love. It began with a certain disgust, and it ended - Since we could not immediately seize upon eternity - It ended in a scattering of perfumes. Laughter of children, discretion of slaves, austerity of virgins, Horror of faces and objects here below, Be sacred in the memory of the evening past. It began in utter boorishness, and now it ends In angels of fire and ice. Little drunken vigil, blessed! If only for the mask you have left us! Method, we believe in you! We never forgot that yesterday You glorified all of our ages. We have faith in poison. We will give our lives completely, every day. FOR THIS IS THE ASSASSIN'S HOUR. « Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Monday, March 26th, 2012 «|»
12:51 pm «|»	ugh I just want to be done with all this, and instead, lock myself away and paint until I pass out, every day for a month straight. « 2 Rapidly Plummeting «|» Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Friday, March 23rd, 2012 «|»
8:20 am «|»	On one hand, I feel like the biggest loser in the world. I am always the one who helps people (which I guess is exactly what caused the problem here, and maybe I need to L2StopIt) Not often the one who GETS the help.  It sort of makes me.... not know how to be. On the other hand...  It's been a very long damned time since I lived anywhere that I could walk out at night and look up to see actual stars. The city glow has hidden them from me for years and years now. That will be nice. Also: Packing sucks. « 6 Rapidly Plummeting «|» Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Wednesday, March 21st, 2012 «|»
9:13 am «|»	Enclosed, please find silence. Some days, I don't even know if I should be insulted, or relieved. I occasionally forget that The Things In My Head are not The Things In The World. Maybe nothing is really real. If you carve poetry into a tree that's falling in the woods, is anyone there to read it? Each and every one of you is a fantastical fantasy that I will never see or experience. Glamorous screams and twisted spleens. Outside, new leaves are growing. Everything green is just waking up. So it can fall and die. And grow again. On and on and on. Forever Until the end. « Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Monday, March 19th, 2012 «|»
11:10 am «|»	Someone likes to steal lunches out of the break room at work.  Before I put mine in there earlier today, I wrote with a sharpie "I sit where I can see the break room, and Revenge is my only God."  Seems to have worked. nom nom « 1 Rapidly Plummeting «|» Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Friday, March 16th, 2012 «|»
12:15 pm «|»	dacryagogue Your blood is bitter yet I continue to gorge myself Crawling to my confinement, I avoid the sun when I should be sailing far afield across emerald seas and cerulean bays I dwell in your houses of shit and mud Lifting my brutish head to howl at the scarred face of the moon My heart echos in empty hills and hollows A portrait of sickness I fester and scab Waiting for a guide Drowning in the tide Wishing I had died I have a Love/Hate relationship with Life Shoelaces tied around my neck Your thick stench Choking gagging Dreaming of the trees and the wind All the rocks and water Moss covered bowers mordant with monsters inside I wait for the seasons to change « Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Wednesday, March 14th, 2012 «|»
2:14 pm «|»	“People aren’t either wicked or noble. They’re like chef’s salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.” ~Lemony Snicket « 1 Rapidly Plummeting «|» Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Tuesday, March 13th, 2012 «|»
8:15 am «|»	I went back and made public several entries which I had private. Nothing big, really.  I just went for a while where I didn't post much, and when I did, I screened it.  I took the screens off.  Just a small handful of "recent" entries, really, from the point where I was like "fuck this, why bother?" until now. Not important (but then, what is?), just making a note of it I suppose. « Fall From Grace » «|»
«|» Tuesday, March 6th, 2012 «|»
9:01 am «|»	old dreams So, I had this dream back in early December... I tried to write it here, but LJ was broken, so I just wrote down some notes on it to post later. I just now found my notes. Rather than try to construct a narrative this long after the event, I will just present my notes, as-is Here they are: [Fri Dec 2 2011 10:22:22 AM] i had a very specific and serious dream last night about a pangolin i was gonna try to write about it, but my blog is down i was in east tx and everyone was there and we were camping or building a house or something and i saw a pangolin in the bushes, and i was excited, and got my camera to get pics of it. everyone kept making noises and scaring it and it was annoying me when i got close enough, i could see it was an 'ancient species' of pangolin... on the back end of it, it had quills like a porcupine sticking out between the scales its arms had little feathers between the scales like a dinosaur like an archaeopteryx or a raptor or something, and it had little feathers along its 'bra strap' area its nose was a little stumpier than real pangolin. it could change colour and pattern / texture like a cuttlefish to blend in to its environment but real slow, like a lizard, not fast like a cephalopod it sat on eric's red bandanna and turned red with white and black paisleys and stuff i was trying to get a lot of pictures of it but everyone kept getting in the way and being loud acting like this amazing creature wasn't an important thing to see. i followed it all over. That's the basics of the dream.  When I made these notes, I also researched a little bit about pangolins and found this: "In pangolins, the section of the brain that relates to problem solving is highly developed. Although their problem solving ability is primarily used to find food in obscure locations, when kept in captivity pangolins are remarkable escape artists." I found this to be really interesting. Also, I have not changed the font or font size at all in this post, yet it is randomly ahowing up as all sorts of crazy things.  Weird, I think I will just leave it. « 2 Rapidly Plummeting «|» Fall From Grace » «|»